Let's start at the beginning

So I have been putting this off for a long time. Let me back up.....

A little over a year ago I thought it would be really cool to jot down some of my thoughts so others could see what I think. The family I married into is gifted with many writers and reading some of their stuff inspired me to give this a shot. I decided all this knowing that I am not a gifted writer and am intimidated by the family that inspired me to try this. Maybe I won't invite them to read it.......I digress.

Let me start with a couple of things.

1. I don't plan to make huge insights or life altering comments on this blog. I simply just want to "put it out there" and see what happens.

2. I struggle with words and spelling so you'll have to take that into account when you read this.

3. I make no apologies for grammar mistakes either.....it is what it is.

If this blog was started 4 months ago it would look very different. I would be in Denver, Colorado while Elissa and Evan were still in California. I would have been working my butt off at a boat business I had planned to purchase. I would be in "heaven" being back in Colorado and deeply missing my family. Let's fast forward to today.....

I write to you from the home where Elissa, Evan and now myself are living. It's not our home, but some friends have been gracious enough to let us stay here. I have been back in California now for a little over a month after one of the hardest seasons of my life.

My dreams were shattered in a way I couldn't have imagined. When we started thinking about this business opportunity in Colorado I had played out all the scenarios. I had talked through it with Elissa and numerous very smart and business savvy friends. We had even come up with plans if the plans we had already made failed, I guess they call it contingency plans. It was all perfect and thought through completely. What's the worst thing that could happen? Don't worry we had a plan for that......except when we didn't.

In our planning and thinking through this thing we had decided that it would be good to have a transition period from the old ownership (present guy) to the new ownership (Hamon's). Seemed really smart at the time and both parties agreed this would be best for the business. It would allow me to get a feel for the business, the employees, the area again and to get things settled to make the move for Elissa and Evan as smooth as possible. I would be a paid employee from June until somewhere around October 1st. I also knew it would take countless hours of work to make this happen. All the better to have the time I needed without my family responsibilities and trying to settle them into a new area, new church and so forth. I had been working a steady 75-80 hours a week and seeing some tremendous progress. The company had been able to match last years numbers for the most part and in todays economy that was a huge win. I had started to "size up" the staff to see which people I would want to keep and which ones needed to go. I had found a great lender to work with and was in process with the loan to purchase the business. With the help of a great guy, Bill we had put together an impressive business plan. I was ready to go and firing on all 8 cylinders!

Then it happened.....I came to work at my usual hour of 7:45am on Monday to see the present owner's truck at the store. I knew something wasn't right, but had no idea what was to come. I walked in the door and he asked to see me in my office. Sure, why not? He must need to tell me something important? We got into my office, sat down and here is what was said. "Sean I have decided to not sell the business and no longer need your services. I'll need your keys and to have this office cleaned out right away." Excuse me? How did you get to this point? When did all this happen? Do you not realize I have worked my butt off for you for 3 months and made you a ton of money while you played? So many questions and no answers. I began to pack up my stuff in complete disbelief. I tried to call Elissa and there was no answer. My mind was racing.....what the heck am I going to do? Where am I going to go? How could this possibly be happening? I didn't have a plan for this! I never thought I would ever be let go from a place I was going to purchase. This was a man who gave me my start in this business. This was his ticket out and my ticket in.....except he punched my ticket before I could punch his ticket.

Believe it or not I didn't yell, didn't swear (not that I ever would), didn't get mad, didn't make a scene, really I didn't do anything, but pack up my stuff and head to the place I was living. Luckily, I was able to get a ride home from the mechanic who works there. It was a long, long 12 minute ride home. Not many words were spoken. He was just as shocked as I was. There wasn't anything really to say.

I am blessed with good friends who live all over this country. One of my friends who lives in Denver happens to work for the airlines and was able to get my on a flight that day to get back to my family in California (for $30 mind you). What a true friend......not only did he get me on the plane, but he sat at the gate with me so I wouldn't be alone. Guys don't do that stuff.....we slap each other on the back, say sorry for the bad luck and are on our way. Not this guy. He was a true friend. He even bought me lunch at a great rib place.....all this on his day off.

I was able to get a flight into San Jose which isn't exactly close to my home (almost 2 hours), but another good friend was able to pick me up as he was working close to San Jose that day. What a great thing to be greeted by....a friend to pick you up at the airport, a comfortable ride home, an offer of a meal, a nice conversation....support.

I got home to Elissa who was actually in worse shape than I was. It was a nice hug in the drive way. United at last.....albeit for crappy reasons, but together again. Off to diner we went to just be. The conversation wasn't really all that much. Lot's of questions, no answers and a ton of silence. What do we do?

Here is where the story takes an interesting turn. Those who know me (and I assume you do if you are reading this) know that I am a planner. I have plans for everything and am always thinking into the future (I'm seeing a Delorean and Michael J. Fox somewhere in that last sentence!). It took a couple of days, but I had a plan for what was next. I was going to go back to Denver, move my stuff into storage, get a few things I needed and come back to California. Elissa already had a good job, Evan's daycare lady is great and we had a place to stay with some friends in a mother-in-law apartment. I would go back to school (I was already enrolled at Fuller anyhow) and finish up my graduate degree and we would be off to ministry in a couple of years. I could find a job to cover the monthly needs along with Elissa's income and off we went.....until we didn't.

The place we were to stay at suddenly became unavailable. The $10 an hour jobs I was looking for didn't call me back. Are you kidding me, $10 an hour and I can't get hired?? There was no way we could stay where we were for a long period of time. What now??? Back to the planning "drawing board" I went.

Another good friend and I had a great conversation. He mentioned the story of Elijah and how the Lord sent him to get rest and eat for some time in the desert before the next long haul (I know, I am really not doing the story justice, but bear with me). The word from the Lord in that to me was to take rest, eat and be patient. Three things that don't come naturally for me at all! You are talking to a worker bee here. I eat to live not live to eat. I'll sleep when I am dead. I guess not though....

So, here I am. I have been unemployed for just over 5 weeks, which is the longest I can ever remember being without work. I started working when I was 12 picking strawberries during the summer for a quarter a quart. I am resting much more than I have ever rested. I don't think I know how much my body needed to rest. I am reading again which is something I long to be more proficient at. I have actually started to not only read the Bible, but study it again. Right now I am working through I & II Samuel. The story of Samuel, Saul and David. I highly recommend those two books. There is so much to be gleaned from those stories of faith and disobedience. Our God is a good God and the patience He has with us is amazing. I am exercising regularly again which I need. I am looking for work...do you know how hard it is to look for work when you have a blank canvas? Try not knowing where you want to live, what you want to do and not knowing where the Lord is leading. Look for work with those parameters! Holy Cow! I am trying so hard to be patient. The Lord is working and moving within me and my family. We are treading (waiting patiently) in some deep water right now, trusting that the Lord will move us on when it's time. There have been some rogue waves that have crashed over us in these past few weeks. Sometimes we are holding on by a thin thread (I stole that line from Elissa). Sometimes we are confident. Today I feel confident.

There is a possibility we might be considered for a job in Portland, Oregon. I would be lying if I said that doesn't scare me a little bit. The work sounds great, challenging, different and something I would be good at. The financial end of things is a bit scary....trying cutting your income by close to 2/3. Talk about living on faith! Portland is a beautiful area, but it doesn't get much sun. In fact I think it gets the least number of sunny days in the lower 48 (you'll have to check me on that, but it's close). You are talking to a guy who came to realize how important the sun was to his mental health a number of years ago. I moved from Denver (300 days of sunshine a year) to Seattle (maybe 4 days a year? Just kidding). My whole mood changed when I ended up with the dreariness and it scares me to think about going back to a "low sun day count". On the other hand, I am struck by the thought that it's different now. It would be a new job, new industry, I have a great wife whom I didn't have while in Seattle, a son (endless joy there), more maturity (I think), in-laws that live close by (for now, and yes that is a good thing), great friend and mentor just (3 weeks ago) moved to Portland, hope for a future outside of the boat business and the list goes on.

We should know more about Portland in the next couple of weeks. Until then, I sit and wait on the Lord. It's much harder than I thought it would be. It's completely out of my control. So, I continue to do the things that got me to right now.....read, rest, eat, search for work, spend time with my family, exercise and now this blog.

I guess that was the beginning....seems to be a long one, but there it is. Let's catch up soon.....